The Great SQL NASTY:

(or the story of how I got my first PAID freelancing job)

well actually, no, it is about how evil and messy Microsoft (AKA Skynet) products are. but you'll find that out for yourself soon enough:

A couple of guys i met decided they wanted organization websites for their.. er, organizations, one which was more like a database for people who want to register their names online in the organization which will then go forth to find them jobs and whatnot,

the other was a regular site with links, addresses, photo-albums, mission-statement etc etc etc

so anyway, i was told i'd have to build the sites, then assume Administration and Tech-Support roles, AND that they'd meet me in two days, that was 3 days ago:

now, i'm not very much into networking, i'm definitely a software-apps guy, and a little hardware influenced by my buddies V-Knight and Red Serpent.
so, naturally, while i knew how to setup an SQL database and query it OFFLINE, i had no clue how i can build an online interface/registration form and link it to the database and then proceed to getting/putting info into the DB:

so, after a little googling, i found this beautiful little tutorial:
Recipe: Deploying a SQL Database to a Remote Hosting Environment (Part 1)
Oooh! how sweet :)

now, there they said i'd need something called: "Database Publishing Wizard", so i went and got it, then, turns out i need something else called:

Microsoft Visual Web Developer, Express Edition

in order for this thing to even be installed, it needs:
Microsoft SQL Server 2005 Express,
Microsoft.NET framework 2.0,
Microsoft SQL Server Native Client
Microsoft SQL Server Management Objects,

aaaand MSXML 6.0 Parser and SDK (whatever the hell that means)

in short:
118.1 Megabytes of assorted crap spread out across the MSDN website.

now: if they so apparently need all these parts to work even, can't those overpaid zombies at MS at least collect them all into ONE INSTALLER PACKAGE????

THIS is why I LOVE BORLAND, Patron Saint of the Poor Programmer:
if you want to install the new Turbo C# (or any other tool), you CAN download the prerequisites each separately, or bunched up together in one big, happy file.

so anyway:
i install everything and build my own site complete with SQL database and all: but, the webspace i got for free (from the gracious people over at doesn't let me off that easy, and is not 100% compatible with Microsoft products. huff.

i wasted 15 straight hours of my life trying to get the freaking thing to work.
screw it. i'm using kiddie scripts.

this is a post of frustration:

This is Blasphemy,
This is Madness..

Anyway, one of them (they are two unrelated parties) was so gracious to actually offer me money to do the site, i mean, hey, i honestly tried to refuse and all, i DO have a reputation to keep, but he was very insistent: plus, he told me literally:

"We have to hire you so we can later fire you"
works just fine, if you ask me.

aaand its off to work we go. Hey Ho!

Got Milk? عندج حليب؟

احتدم جدل بين علماء دين في مصر ووصل إلى البرلمان بعد فتوى لرئيس قسم الحديث بجامعة الأزهر، تبيح "إرضاع الكبير"، في وقت انتقدت عدة صحف تدريس كتاب في هذا القسم يؤكد أن الارضاع يحلل الخلوة بين رجل وإمرأة غريبة عنه في مكاتب العمل المغلقة.

وقال عضو مجلس الشعب عن كتلة الاخوان المسلمين صبري خلف الله إن نحو 50 نائبا في البرلمان تدارسوا هذا الموضوع مساء الأربعاء وأعربوا عن قلقهم من انتشار هذه الفتوى اعلاميا، واقترح بعضهم تقديم طلبات احاطة، لكنهم اتفقوا على ارجاء ذلك، واعطاء فرصة للأزهر والاعلام لوقف الخوض في هذا الموضوع الذي أثار حالة من اللغط الشديد في الشارع المصري خصوصا في أماكن العمل التي تضم موظفين وموظفات، وعندها قد يمتنعون عن طلبات الاحاطة منعا لحدوث زوبعة برلمانية قد تساهم في تضخيم المسألة وتضر بالاسلام.

كان د.عزت عطية رئيس قسم الحديث بكلية أصول الدين بجامعة الأزهر فجر مفاجأة حيث أباح للمرأة العاملة أن تقوم بإرضاع زميلها في العمل منعاً للخلوة المحرمة، إذا كان وجودهما في غرفة مغلقة لا يفتح بابها إلا بواسط أحدهما.

واكد عطية لـ"العربية.نت" أن إرضاع الكبير يكون خمس رضعات وهو يبيح الخلوة ولا يحرم الزواج، وان المرأة في العمل يمكنها أن تخلع الحجاب أو تكشف شعرها أمام من أرضعته، مطالباً توثيق هذا الإرضاع كتابة ورسميًا ويكتب في العقد أن فلانة أرضعت فلانًا.


Some twisted fuck (specifically Prof. Izzat Attiyah, Head of Hadeeth Department) at Azhar School of Theology -the HIGHEST religious authority for Sunnah- stated last week that a man cannot be alone with a woman in a closed room, which creates serious problems for co-workers/secretaries in the Muslim world.
the solution?


yes, you read that right.
good old-timey udder-sucking.

According to Dr. Attiyah, the woman has to breast-feed the man five times, and thus he'll be related to her by "feeding" and thus will be perfectly halal for them to co-exist in the same place at the same time, still, he can marry the WOMMAAANN if He so wishes, as breastfeeding in this case would permit co-existence AND marriage.

... ^(O_o)^...

i've followed this case all of last week and i am satisfied with the ending:

the fatwa was declared Bullshit by the Azhar, and the perverted ass-wipe was suspended from work then kicked out despite his apologies and his withdrawal of this B.S. fatwa.

you can find more details online if you want.
it'll give you another seperate fatwa from a similarly-big-shot mufti about how blessed it is to drink the Prophet's urine.


i'll only tell everyone this: the guy is obviously related to Tub Girl.
closely related. maybe he IS Tub Girl.

who's Tub Girl?
i'd include the picture itself but you'd lose your lunch. look for it yourself if you think you are tough enough.

(i havent looked for english versions, but hey, i gave you all the details you need to look for it yourself. so scoot.)

this kind of retarded crap seriously damages the whole of Azhar's (and Islam's) credibility.
this "person" is not just anyone, he is A DEPARTMENT HEAD IN AZHAR COLLEGE.


this is why i don't believe in Organized Religion(TM).
And neither should YOU.

such people are wasting oxygen which I WOULD BE BREATHING INSTEAD.

global warming? -> Izzat Attiyah.

ok, let's not tap the obvious workplace milk-tea in-the-morning jokes, let's think this over quietly:

finally, as i like to say in similar situations:

"Men have two heads, oh how blessed will be the world if but they let the larger one do the thinking"

Michael Bublé - Call Me Irresponsible

this is a non-review:

Damn he's slick.
i can easily say Bublé is the Sinatra of this generation:

Michael Bublé, Norah Jones, Big Bad Voodoo Daddy, Alicia Keys oh and of course, Joss Stone.

In the age of the Paris Hilton pop single, the fact that these guys are actually selling records is one of the very few things stopping me from losing faith in this generation having ANY musical sense AT ALL.

heard about the new Paris Hilton tribute band? yeah, i was so impressed with her rendition of "Stars are Blind" i went out and formed a band to do Hilton songs, called


yeah, that's like, totally sweet.


Tae Kwon Do: GOOD

i'm not kidding, this is better than 90% of ALL TKD i've seen around.

...well..i can't bring myself to say it..
its GOOD.

well: good techniques, still some inherent faults (stance is too wide, hands drop to waist level, Kicking > Punching)
but still, this is good FOR TKD. i mean, 3rd Degree black-belt? in comparable arts, the applicant has to fight 30 equally-skilled opponents in succession (and sometimes in pairs) to get to 3rd Degree. testing takes anywhere from 6-8 hours straight.
its no joke, 3rd Degree.

but anyway, if you are TKD, or if you know someone who's TKD and want to cheer him/her up:

Cho's TaeKwonDo: 3rd Dan testing

Street Fighter: CroCop vs. A.Emelianenko version

EVIL has never sounded so good:

I've had this in queue for a LOOONG time, based on a recommendation by Mix Max (someone who REALLY knows his Sabbath)
i love Dio.
you can't like metal if you don't love Dio.
if you don't, then you are one of those people who listen to Linkin Park/Evanescence. 'nuff said.
i respect your choice, alternate lifestyle and all that.


short version:
GET THIS NOW. DL it, love it, then go buy it LEGALLY. anything, just whatever you do, GET IT NOW.

bit-longer version:
this is a musical compilation, a journey through 4 albums of solid, delicious heavy metal.

16 tracks / 1hour 20 mins almost:
the last three tracks were written fresh for this album, and let me tell you if there is something other than wine that gets better than age, there are TWO:
Tommi Iommi (on Guitars)

this is heavy metal. if you want to introduce someone to heavy metal, give him/her this.
if you disagree, then do what you please, just keep the damn child away from Linkin Park.

Highlights of the Album:

1- Neon Knights : Dio goodness! Tommi Iommi does some crazy Satriani shit before Satriani himself knew how to do it!

3- Heaven and Hell : damn this song. damn this song to hell. the lyrics are ugh'ish but you'll be too busy going "Heaven and Heeeaaaaallllll" with Dio.

14- The Devil Cried : tears of joy, after hearing this song.

16- Ear in the Wall
: perfect Black Sabbath.

-just in case you are wondering how come everything i review is Excellent, Great, and Must Have Or Die, its simply because it IS. I DON'T REVIEW CRAP-

i'm just addicted to the pure unadulterated devil'ness that is this evil, horrid little man, Ronnie James Dio.

if you want to know what's all this fuss about, i recommend you to listen to two tracks (available FREE and LEGALLY thru yahoo! music)

1- Holy Diver
2- The Last in Line

and Then Some!

Systematic Chaos

That's the new DreamTheater Album.. out in June (June 5th)

In an interview with, drummer Mike Portnoy described the album as "Heavy and technical, powerful and dynamic — all of the elements that people kind of expect out of a Dream Theater album. All of the styles and sounds are intact, but we wanted to make it a real sonic explosion. It's very dramatic and aggressive."


so anyway, i got it yesterday, listening to it still..
i'm yet to form an opinion, but i'm 4 tracks deep and it all feels like a mish-mash to say the least.. a delicious mish-mash YES, but still a little bit of everything..

01- In The Presence Of Enemies: the first and last tracks sound a lot like something out of LTE 1 (they are actually ONE song split in two, placed at the beginning and end of the album cuz of "Studio Pressure") that said, love the guitar tone: overdrive, not so sharp, this tone is so fat its obese.

02- Forsaken: is good ol' typical DT goodness. lovin' every note of it: also, Petrucci steals from Wylde, Batio, and Malmsteen and plays it all with a WD40-coated guitar.

03- Constant Motion: seriously sounds like OLD SCHOOL heavy metal: not just the song structure, but even the very chunky guitar tone Petrucci's using..

04- The Dark Eternal Night: exactly the kind of song that would come out if Dave Mustaine sang/played a song with Antrhax.. oh, and whatshisface, Pantera's drummer, (Vinnie Paul?) he's on board too :)
whoa, the second half of the song, and all bets are off! this is LTE2 all over again!

OHHH LOVE THAT HARMONIC PINCH! Petrucci is doing something illegal to that guitar! :))

05- Repentance: hmmm.. now where have i heard this song before? it begins like a copy of "THIS DYING SOUL" DreamTheater-Train of Thoughts '03. SHIT! IT EVEN BEGINS WITH THE FIRST LINE! damn they did it again: the first time was in the "Root of All Evil", in Octavarium. they also stole a couple of lines from this song. what's the deal??

06- Prophets of War: now THIS is a royal f*ckup if i ever heard one:
this is so progressive its RETRO:
you've got sounds straight out of Jarre, Duran Duran, Ace of Base (the whispering voice in All That She Wants), and i'm still half-expecting Devo to Whip It anytime now.. (now that was serious badass)
7 words: this is a song for tree-huggers.

07- Ministry of Lost Souls: hmmm.. the first half is melodic LSD. Petrucci tunes in to some Soundgarden tones, Iron Mike is less than inspiring here, bass is driving, keyboards.. well, Rudess IS an alien, and therefore can do no wrong.
La Brie is fresh. really good.
SECOND HALF: here comes the cavalry! pick slides, palm muting, bleepbloopbleepbrlbrlwrrrl its Soloville! HALLELUJAH its '92 all over again! Rudess phoned home in the first half, and now the mothership came a'calling!
Iron Mike demonstrates why he's called that, IRON Mike Portnoy!

you might wonder why i spoke little of Johnny Myung: well: he's ALWAYS reliable, the poor guy, no matter who's screwing with what around him, you can always be sure he's there, keeping it steady and strong. a big hand to John Myung!

so far, this album feels like LTE2, mixup of everything, written with emphasis on guitars, trying too hard to surprise. so far its working, mind you :)
this is only the first impression, i'm betting i'll be hooked in less than 48 hours.

still, nothing can top Images and Words. ( except Metropolis pt.2 ;) )