Smoking the Water Pipe: LIVE FROM THE SCENE AT 3 AM

“Hyaaaah”
“Ugh”
“You shall not gain the upper hand on me yet, Han Xi”
“Hah, your skills are absurd next to my dragon-mantis claw”
“I will avenge my father.. I will………HUH??? Fellow Residents of _______ -where I live-, we just received news that the water supply for your area has been poisoned along with all areas this side of the river.. do not drink your water, there have been reported cases of death… your water pipes are polluted.. I repeat, Fellow Resi….”

Oh crap.

Its election day here, and even the sane ones got a little nutty…
An hour ago to the minute, around 2 in the morning, a group moving door to door with loudspeakers started spreading this alert.. I was watching one of them Kung Fu movies, so I muted the tv, and listened attentively for a few minutes, then decided it was somebody’s twisted idea of a hoax…and went back just in time to see Jet Li kick some serious wired-to-the-ceiling a$$..

Give it ten minutes, ALL hell broke loose, the local mosque started blasting this alert, local boys started rigning door bells at 2:15 am spreading the news, there are some shootings in the distance, and now the phones started..

I give it to you, Iraqis are experts of spreading rumors, and blowing them out of all proportion..
Suddenly, a rumored case of poisoning in a local water-station turned to something that would make the bubonic plague look like hay-fever –although hay fever is a serious thing, I admit-
Some girl called my cousin –her friend- telling her that her cousin heard his neighbor say his sister, which is married to a resident doctor in some hospital, confirm that they are recieveing dead bodies by the truckload..
People ACROSS Baghdad on the OTHER SIDE OF THE CITY, on the OTHER bank, the CLEAN bank, started sending text messages saying that the water there is polluted too..
The minister of health just came on local tv, denying this rumor and saying its just that, rumors and lies and all..
Somebody is smoking serious water-pipe out there..

My uncle, being the paranoid he is, came on running down, walked in on me right in the middle of the final fight of the movie, and while Jet Li was getting seven shades of crap kicked out of him, asking me to shuffle a$$ quick and follow him..

Where?
Aha.. there’s a point and a destination after all.. our house water tanks.. where all the water pipes lead and all our drinking water temporarily resides..
He held in his hand a large white can, with the words “Effervescent Chlorine Tablets” printed on the side.. hmm.

I’m not saying he should not believe stooopid rumors, I’m not saying he should undergo therapy for his paranoia/hypochondria, I’m just saying WHY DID HE HAVE TO DRAG MY HINEY OUT IN THE COLD WITH HIM TO STEADY HIS LIGHT FOR HIM WHILE HE THROWS ONE TINEY PILL DOWN THE TANK AND RUNS BACK?

Couldn’t he do it alone?
Noooo.. he had to drag me all around the house in the cold, dark night, prancing around pipes and plumbing, to locate all 3 tanks (which are not even on the same level, let alone the same side of the house)
Kinda like one of them stealth-games u play on consoles… except that instead of waltzing around armed security guards, u have to tiptoe around ur grandmother’s room so she doesn’t wake up and start raising her own hell.. And in the end, you don’t get the girl, you get diarrhea from running around in the cold wearing only ur pajamas..

Ah. My stomach beckons, to the rest room then..
Or maybe it is true, and I am poisoned?

Only time (and a later post) will tell..
Don’t worry, don’t believe the hype.

I have to disconnect now, and hope to catch some sleep before the first explosions wake me up tomorrow!

(I don’t expect any explosions really, it will be a quiet day.. I’m not voting, I didn’t have time to register prior to that, sorry folks… maybe after four years… also, before I go –and I have to go or I will go right here on myself.. ewww- what is my take on the results? Who will win? Allawi/731 is a good candidate… 555 will scoop up a good percentage, so will the sunni-backed 618… Chalabi’s 569 will get a couple of seats.. and that’s it.. the percentages? How many chairs each will get? That will have to wait till that later post, as I cant hold on much longer..)

Forgive the messy post but I am sleepy and HAVE to hit the head..

Cheers..

Btw: I am not in the Marines, nor the Army, nor any branch of the armed forces, I just like to use the word Head more than Toilet..nice word. I like I like..
and I really have to go.. sorry, its now 3:45 and i cant do this much longer.. byeeeeee

And THEN SOME!
blog comments powered by Disqus