Merry NewYear!

oh wait..

whatever..

please have a good 2006 -for EVERYONE!-, i'm genuinely wishing happiness not only on Iraqis, but on everyone in our small earth..

we are one, let us act like it!


On another hand, i will be back soon to rant about this IDIOT!

it just boils my blood!

c ya later!

and a Merry New Year!

;D

Highway to Hell (Slight Return)

“Let them know its Christmas time..”
And they did!

Time: 7:35 am approx.

Situation:
Me, carpooling to college with a friend, in his car (riding shotgun) running on Baghdad’s main highway, going from A’adhamiyah to Jadiryah (where college is) , everything smooth as can be.. we come to an intersection, my friend asked: “leave the highway and turn right into the streets of Karrada, or head on straight to Dora?”
Me, being older, and hence automatically (and incorrectly) deemed wiser, suggested the longer but less-congested Dora Highway extension..
Ok..

Time: 7:40 am approx.

Situation:
IP (Iraqi Police) Check-Point.. Jam.
Heck. I should have told him to turn right..

Time: 7:45 am approx.

Situation: 3rd IP checkpoint, just in front of two M1 Abrams tanks parked on both sides of the road.. Jam is a bit less..
Oh well.. hey, why is he stuck driving behind that bus?
There was a mini-bus in front of us, driving as if he was enjoying the scenery, and my friend was behind him, crawling along while other cars whizzed by..
The bus suddenly picked up speed, “thank God” I said.

Then I saw it. Just a slight movement, a flash then a column of black smoke rise vertically 10 meters out the turret of the tank to the right, less than 50 meters in front of us, “What the?..”
Then the shockwave hit, and with it came the boom and a bigger smoke cloud!
“BAAWWOOMMM!!!”
HOLY CRAP!
They hit it with a car bomb!
The car two down from us was a CAR-BOMB!

Our car rocked, and I felt something hit me square on the chest.. thank heavens that in spite of the cold, we had both our windows open…

I instantly started grabbing for myself, using both hands, trying to verify everything was where it is supposed to be.. all organs and senses intact.. thank God.. ah..
I start yelling to the guy “Move move move!”
He’s already turning the car 180 and backing up the way we came, wrong side and all.. we pass by the Checkpoint, and turn left into the first street we saw.. thankfully, all roads lead to college.

It was the bus that saved us..
If he hadn’t snailed on by… I gotta go pray thanks..
I didn’t even look back, I guess the cars in front of us got it good. And where it hurt too.
Poor souls.

“and may you hate something, and it is good for you”
Blessed be the Lord.

Time: 10:30 am

Situation:
College… sitting in the college center near the cafeteria, there’s familiar noise creeping closer.. its another chopper.. ah.
This one is an Apache, not one of ur usual run-of-the-mill medical-transport blackhawks, noooo, a battle-ready apache, coming in so low, about tree-top level, from the west, going towards the Green Zone..
As it got so close, it let out two bursts of two thermal flares!
Just above the Science Building!
And THEY FALL ON THE BUILDING!
Now I’m no expert, but I’ve seen my share of video games and war-movies (AND illumination flares, before, during and after “Mission Accomplished”) to know that these are thermal flares, and thermal flares are usually deployed when ur being targeted by a heat-seeker! Stinger?

“Haul A$$! See ya later!”
I look at two of my friends who knew what was happening, or gonna happen, but we’re frozen, can’t move!
Sh*T!
If I want to die, I sure as hell wouldn’t like to by a loose rocket! Nooo!
The one that’s getting me HAS to have MY name on it, yes sir!

1 second, we all close our eyes, in anticipation..
5 seconds, We and look around, wondering why college was still standing around us..
10 seconds, nothing happened.
10 seconds later, still nothing happened.
The frig in that flying frig must have had a malfunction, or did it as a bad joke..

Oh well… just another day in Iraq.

By 2 pm, two more bigger booms, and a dozen more choppers (blackhawks this time) whirr on by, I return home, an un-eventful journey this time (thank God) and sit here in front of my monitor, drinking my mug of tea and writing this.. there are a few shots outside, something is going on...ah, frig it all.

Well, so much for my wish of a white Christmas.. White doesn’t have to be snow, it can just be LACK OF BLOOD, or ANY body fluids for that matter..

Life here aint Easy or Free, as the Young Brothers would sing, but still..
It is Life, as opposed to Death.

Gotta go pray.

Happy Holidays!

(oh and, FESTIVUS is REAL??)

-----------------------------------------------------
Listening to:
Gary Jules – Mad World
Black Label Society – The Blessed HellRide
The Prodigy – Narayan



Disclaimer note:
this has nothing to do with my HighwayToHell post of early this year.. -just a cheap trick to get u to visit that stupid post! Ho Ho Ho!-


oh and People, DO NOT WORRY! I AM FINE!
I CAN WALK AND TALK (and perform all other previous functions as well ;P)

Gimme Fuel Gimme Fire Gimme that which I desire:

But, to have fire you must first have fuel..
and to have fuel, you must have money...
and to have money... oh my logic does not run that deep.

Our "wise" government ( الحكومة حكيمة the government is always wise, and dont believe anyone who says otherwise) recently took a very "wise" decision, just when the weather is getting cold, to hike up fuel prices 300%..

Yes boys and girls, not 3%, not 30%, nooooo…THREE HUNDRED FRIGGING PERCENT.
And I mean FUEL, not just gasoline, no, cooking gas, petrol, diesel, tar, feathers,, FUEL.

I wonder where the Oil is going anyway.
More on that later..

Nice going-away present, except that signs show that they might NOT be going away any time soon..

Preliminary Results show that all is the same as last time, and even if Father Christmas himself had come and voted, it would not have made a change (or improve equality between warring factions) in our purple-fingered democracy.

But what do I know?

Newspapers, TV stations, people in power (that’s them, whomever them may be), pawns (that’s us), everyone, talking bout them two things..

Back to the fuel-crisis:
I think the people “upstairs” are handling this situation the wrong way..
Now, if I was in power, I’d solve all the problems Iraq had in the last three years, I would have traded the whole land of Iraq, with all its OIL, for a nicely-sized EMPTY Island somewhere and moved all Iraqis there, leaving Iraq a barren (yet OIL/CURSE-filled) wasteland. (like its any different now)

People, we are waaaaay beyond thunderdome, and there is no tina turner in sight to make things the least bit interesting.

EVERYTHING had its price go up accordingly,
Food, transportation, dvds, chewing gum.
Even the price of sh*t in Iraq has been raised 200%.
How come?
Food, cooking oil, vegetables, electricity, water and perhaps air, have been hiked up 200-300% in accord with fuel.
when you cook, you use fuel, and after you eat, you’d like perhaps to take a dump.
Henceforth, everytime you take a dump means you are consuming fuel.

Argh.

Meanwhile, talks of forged results, backroom wheeling/dealing, and all assorted forms of buggery, are afoot.

Hope all the guys (AND gals) who waved their purple fingers disapprovingly at me can now shut up and take it like it is..

Quoting Moron99 (somewhat):

"Nya Nya, I told you so!"

This is a quick post, just to let out *some* steam.. I’m too old to rant now.. *cough cough*

Will b back later, have to go “consume some fuel”.

Cheers.
And Then Some!

Smoking the Water Pipe: LIVE FROM THE SCENE AT 3 AM

“Hyaaaah”
“Ugh”
“You shall not gain the upper hand on me yet, Han Xi”
“Hah, your skills are absurd next to my dragon-mantis claw”
“I will avenge my father.. I will………HUH??? Fellow Residents of _______ -where I live-, we just received news that the water supply for your area has been poisoned along with all areas this side of the river.. do not drink your water, there have been reported cases of death… your water pipes are polluted.. I repeat, Fellow Resi….”

Oh crap.

Its election day here, and even the sane ones got a little nutty…
An hour ago to the minute, around 2 in the morning, a group moving door to door with loudspeakers started spreading this alert.. I was watching one of them Kung Fu movies, so I muted the tv, and listened attentively for a few minutes, then decided it was somebody’s twisted idea of a hoax…and went back just in time to see Jet Li kick some serious wired-to-the-ceiling a$$..

Give it ten minutes, ALL hell broke loose, the local mosque started blasting this alert, local boys started rigning door bells at 2:15 am spreading the news, there are some shootings in the distance, and now the phones started..

I give it to you, Iraqis are experts of spreading rumors, and blowing them out of all proportion..
Suddenly, a rumored case of poisoning in a local water-station turned to something that would make the bubonic plague look like hay-fever –although hay fever is a serious thing, I admit-
Some girl called my cousin –her friend- telling her that her cousin heard his neighbor say his sister, which is married to a resident doctor in some hospital, confirm that they are recieveing dead bodies by the truckload..
People ACROSS Baghdad on the OTHER SIDE OF THE CITY, on the OTHER bank, the CLEAN bank, started sending text messages saying that the water there is polluted too..
The minister of health just came on local tv, denying this rumor and saying its just that, rumors and lies and all..
Somebody is smoking serious water-pipe out there..

My uncle, being the paranoid he is, came on running down, walked in on me right in the middle of the final fight of the movie, and while Jet Li was getting seven shades of crap kicked out of him, asking me to shuffle a$$ quick and follow him..

Where?
Aha.. there’s a point and a destination after all.. our house water tanks.. where all the water pipes lead and all our drinking water temporarily resides..
He held in his hand a large white can, with the words “Effervescent Chlorine Tablets” printed on the side.. hmm.

I’m not saying he should not believe stooopid rumors, I’m not saying he should undergo therapy for his paranoia/hypochondria, I’m just saying WHY DID HE HAVE TO DRAG MY HINEY OUT IN THE COLD WITH HIM TO STEADY HIS LIGHT FOR HIM WHILE HE THROWS ONE TINEY PILL DOWN THE TANK AND RUNS BACK?

Couldn’t he do it alone?
Noooo.. he had to drag me all around the house in the cold, dark night, prancing around pipes and plumbing, to locate all 3 tanks (which are not even on the same level, let alone the same side of the house)
Kinda like one of them stealth-games u play on consoles… except that instead of waltzing around armed security guards, u have to tiptoe around ur grandmother’s room so she doesn’t wake up and start raising her own hell.. And in the end, you don’t get the girl, you get diarrhea from running around in the cold wearing only ur pajamas..

Ah. My stomach beckons, to the rest room then..
Or maybe it is true, and I am poisoned?

Only time (and a later post) will tell..
Don’t worry, don’t believe the hype.

I have to disconnect now, and hope to catch some sleep before the first explosions wake me up tomorrow!

(I don’t expect any explosions really, it will be a quiet day.. I’m not voting, I didn’t have time to register prior to that, sorry folks… maybe after four years… also, before I go –and I have to go or I will go right here on myself.. ewww- what is my take on the results? Who will win? Allawi/731 is a good candidate… 555 will scoop up a good percentage, so will the sunni-backed 618… Chalabi’s 569 will get a couple of seats.. and that’s it.. the percentages? How many chairs each will get? That will have to wait till that later post, as I cant hold on much longer..)

Forgive the messy post but I am sleepy and HAVE to hit the head..

Cheers..

Btw: I am not in the Marines, nor the Army, nor any branch of the armed forces, I just like to use the word Head more than Toilet..nice word. I like I like..
and I really have to go.. sorry, its now 3:45 and i cant do this much longer.. byeeeeee

And THEN SOME!

NEWS FLASH: Badr forces take over baghdad:

In what appears to be a totally out-of-the-blue move, notorious militia the Badr forces stormed baghdad early this morning, controlling major nerve points in the Iraqi capital..

their first move was to erect a statue to their leader, Badr, in Fardous square, where a statue of former iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein used to stand..
See picture below and more details on this surprising turn of events:



.

.

.

.

(this, in case you hadnt guessed yet, is a spoof, and Badr, is the arabic name for Bart, of Ernie and Bart! Cheers!)

here's a couple of other stooopid things people did, which i got by email -along with the thingy above-, i didnt make them, i am NOT the source (copyright protection)



















Cheers,

and THEN SOME!

And the winner is……

Elections Elections Elections!
Coming at a town-center near you!


“Dear Iraqi citizens, we vow to eradicate all corruption and sectarian strifes, we promise to give you electricity, water, falafel and ice tea, we promise break all our promises, we vow to falsify all our vows, all whilst making you believe things are gonna be better, just please follow the yellow brick road to the nearest ballot center and vote for us, list number (…insert three digit number here…)”

I have a question:
There’s this actor in Donnie Darko, Jarheads, and Proof (?) who’s name is spelled out as

“Jake Gyllenhall”

Now, how do you spell his last name?
I heard it pronounced both ways on TV, “Jill-en-hall” and “Gill-en-hall” and I want to know which is the correct one!

King of Queens is on now, gotta go!

Kidding! I like the show, but I don’t have enough time left in my net account, about 10 mins..I’ll reply on the comments when I charge..(tomorrow!)
I have two posts’ worth of comments.. wait pls wait?

Thank you!

S*H*I*T*

No abbreviations. No Cute M*A*S*H* hints.....just S-H-I-T.
SPELL IT.
This is how it is.

Elections looming near, nerves starting to fray. I’m staying at home.



Another elections and I am not voting.
I still do NOT believe it will make a difference. I hope the elected government prove me wrong. I hope they show me that we are REALLY in a new era, not just the same old puppeteers with new puppets.



What has become of Iraq in the last few years?
Believe it or not, the BEST time in Iraq since the end of major military ops was just that, right at the end of the military ops. When the lootings toned down, when thugs and killers hid in the shadows, waiting for the next pawn to move.
It just went downhill from there.

Before the car-bombs started rolling, before the t-walls became a fixture of our lives.

Now we play Counter Strike on the streets.

Now children run around shooting each other with plastic guns, taking turns as Terrorists - Wolf\Wile E. Coyote brigade members.

“Kids” my age have turned back to old cartoons.

Foetal position and thumb-sucking not available. Families too busy wailing dead relatives...

Kill the wabbit:

Wouldn’t it be fun if bugs bunny had a TNT belt, a turban, and a long beard, and was able to blow up Mr. Fudd at the recruiting center?

Hmmm.

Why do I even bother to write?

I am not tired.
I can blog 24/7.
But I do not want to talk politics here. Or religion.. (And I’ve left the sex part to others, namely Pentra and the Kid)


If you ask an average Iraqi (no pun intended, Mr. Average) about what he wants to talk about, he’d say:
I want to talk about the new ring tone for my phone (which will be stolen sooner or later), about the new car my father bought me (which will be stolen sooner or later), I want to talk about how good it is to see a smile on a friend’s face (Both will be stolen sooner or later, the smile AND the friend), about what I want to do with my life (which will be… ah, see a pattern here?)

We are disposable people. Not just teens. No hell, ALL OF US ARE DISPOSEABLE AND INTERCHANGEABLE.

10 Iraqis killed, 100 Iraqis killed, 1000 Iraqis killed...
Come on step it up, there are 26 million Iraqis here, at this rate you’ll never catch up! come on all of you, neighbors, outsiders, insiders, brothers, strangers, Sunni, Shia, Salafis, Syrians, Iranians, Jordanians, Saudi, Sudanese, Kurds, Arabs, Coalition forces, independent contractors, what have you.. Come on all of you, what the *&^% are you waiting for?
Let’s all sit on the box of dynamite and wait for the road runner to press the detonator...

Tom and Katie Alert, Jessica Simpson’s first public appearance after the split, Beyonce singing, John Travolta and Nick Cage face/off, Judy Garland and Mina Frigging Suvari.
That’s what’s on our silver box right now.

Sometimes it makes me mad.
But most of the time it keeps me in a daze.. Out of phase with reality.
IT SPEAKS THE TRUTH, AND ONLY THE TRUTH.
NOOOO!
YEAH! THERE’RE PLACES WHERE THERE ARE NO CARBOMBS!

Whoa! How do they manage to sleep? So quiet.
But then again, it has fed us too many lies to count.

Why do we have such a short attention span?

Does anyone remember what’s his name Gallaway? (sic)
Does anyone remember what’s her name the Iraqi kid with terminal cancer?
Does anyone remember the name of the Burmese writer who’s under house arrest?
Does anyone remember anything at all?

Oh but everyone has different priorities.
Martha, Oprah, Leno, Letterman, Prophets of the modern age.

Stupid Ad on the box here claims:

“If you are smart, flaunt it, join 2 million people watching miss universe pageant.”

WHAT?COME AGAIN?
Ohhhhhhhh Duuuuuhh yeahhh now I got it. I think.

Something else,

WE ARE NOT HEROES.
True, Iraq is dangerous, Iraq is wild, and Iraq is a zoo, no hold that, a zoo would be ashamed to call itself Iraq.
IRAQIS ARE NOT SURVIVORS.
THEY ARE CURSED.
Normal people, but cursed to eternal damnation.



Uma Thurman Rules.


Couple of “Ethnic”* jokes:

After Avian Flu pandemic, Iraqi Pres. Talabani decided to change the national seal from an Eagle to a Mule just for precautions.

A US helicopter goes down in a Kurd Cemetery, Kurd TV anchor goes on TV saying: “Till now we have salvaged 5000 bodies and search is still on for the blackbox”

What’s the difference between “Ethnic” and “Racist”?
Every Racist is Ethnic, but not every Ethnic is Racist?
Noooo, they’re both f*cked up.

*(Kurd jokes are like Irish Jokes, note that my maternal uncle’s wife is Kurd, My father’s maternal cousin is Kurd. So I’m not, in any way, neither racist nor ethnically prejudiced)

There, a brand new post for you. Use it well.

I’ll be back later to answer the previous post’s comments. (and emails sent from some of u! u know who u are!)


And THEN SOME!

I'm late, I'm late I'm late I'm late...

Sorry but VERRRRRY BUSY...

will post a REAL post soon.. I AM NOT LAZY I TELL YOU!

no really, I swear i want to post but no time..

I miss you all.





listening to
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Bonnie Pink - "It's Gonna Rain"
Dio - "Stand Up and Shout"
Tohru Iwao - "Guilty GearXX#Reload Intro"